Facebook Status Update After Jesse's Training Run

I was posting a status update on Facebook after returning with Jesse from his 22 mile marathon training run this morning, and it kept getting longer and longer, so I decided to blog it, instead:

I thought about Jesse and his determination to run a marathon before he turns 18 in September when I read the article by that (radio?) guy I saw someone post a link to the other day. He asked unschoolers in general, "Does anyone really believe it’s an advantage not to have structure, timelines and goals? Is there anything in your life that works better when you start when you want, do what you feel like at the moment, then quit when you’re unhappy?" Okay, here he is.

To Mr. Graham: I don't think that you understand unschooling, and I wonder if you have read much at all about it. No one said that there are no timelines, goals, or structure in unschooling. A child who grows with parental trust and assistance to meet his or her OWN goals is an amazing force. He or she sees the possibilities, and goes after what he or she wants with confidence. These kids do not pursue goals for the purpose of pleasing parents or society or teachers, and then wake up one day wondering how they ended up with a life they never consciously chose for themselves.

My thoughts were on one of my own self-motivated unschooling kids, so they continued: No one suggested this marathon to Jesse. No one even encouraged him very much at first, because we (Mark and I and his coach/friend and everyone, really) knew that a marathon in September in Richmond requires grueling training runs in awful heat and humidity. There ARE no marathons near us in the summer and early fall for that very reason. Mark, living Arkansas, can not train with Jesse. Jesse runs his long training runs alone, and he runs because he wants to. He has never had anyone nagging at him to "remember your run today" or trying to "motivate" him with guilt and shame. Do most kids who have to be nagged and coerced -- reminded and punished and rewarded -- in order to reach a goal really even understand this kind of self-motivation? When do they get a chance to experience it?

To answer the radio guy's second question, "Is there anything in your life that works better when you start when you want, do what you feel like at the moment, then quit when you’re unhappy?" Yes. I believe with all of my heart that EVERYTHING in life "works better" when we start when we want, do what we feel like doing at the moment, and quit when we are no longer happy doing what we're doing. It leads to a life that we are choosing, moment by moment. A life lived by doing things we don't choose to "start when we want", then continue to do these things even when we "don't feel like doing them" and push them through to finish while we are "unhappy" leads to a life of pain and confusion and dissatisfaction, leaving us wondering how we got to this place and whose life this is, anyway?

I loved watching my son run today. I am pleased at his pleasure in working toward his goal. If he wakes up tomorrow and has decided during the night that he's had enough of running and doesn't really feel like doing a marathon, anyway, it wouldn't bother me at all. I would feel pleased to know that he was that in touch with what HIS wants and needs and dreams were, without worrying about what his parents would say if he QUIT, and to feel free and trusted to make this choice for himself.

And that's what I couldn't fit into my status update. Heh.